Nov. 24, 2008
To Whom It May Concern:
I hereby am applying for TARP funding. The following is my application.
Name: First National Bank of Nissa NA
DOB: Just in time
Tax ID No.: 888-4-MONEY
Application amount: $250 billion.
Reason for application: Young mortgage salespeople made commissions and have run off.
A few have offered management bed and breakfast in their 120%-financed homes. Expensive company Christmas party may be cancelled or held at young mortgage salesperson's home. Fee for rental of home for evening is $10,000. Remaining team may be disappointed if no Christmas party. Seeking something/someone to blame.
What I have going for me: I really do want world peace.
What my references will say: "George Kaiser would have never rolled over like this. Stand up, men, and take responsibility for yourselves!" "I've known FNB Nissa for, uh, hum, days, and saving this bank is the key to saving the world's economy--and world peace." "Hang on, I just got a call from Hillary." "Hey, I just got a great rate on my Citi credit card. Did you know that your Macy's card was bought by Citi and you can use it anywhere, even at Macy's, now, and just go crazy before filing Chapter 7? Yeah, I got that new Citi card in my mail on Sunday, Nov. 23, just before I got the Fed e-mail notice that it is bailing out Citigroup. Cool, dude! So cool!"
Blue or red bank?: Never blue; always in the red.
Your take on the Texas Tech/OU game: OMG!
Your take on the LSU/Ole Miss game: OMG squared!
What are you doing with existing bank funds? Holding on tight, of course. We have a Christmas party coming up, you know, and who knows what y'all in DC are gonna do, so cash is king!
If you received the TARP funding you have requested, how would your bank contribute to improving the U.S. economy? WaHoo! Instead of all 10,000 of us going to the Caribbean this year, we'll suffer and just pretend we're there ... at $10,000/evening ... at the former salesperson's 120% financed home. (You should see this place. Did you know they really do make 24K-gold plumbing? Dang, gotta love those loose lending terms.)
Have more questions? Ask me!
–Nissa Darbonne, Executive Editor, Oil and Gas Investor, A&D Watch, OilandGasInvestor.com Today, OilandGasInvestor.com, A-Dcenter.com; firstname.lastname@example.org